Journal: 06/06/06—06/30/06

Dear Readers;

I know it has been three weeks or more since I posted to this blog. Hindsight is a great way of revealing discrepancies in one’s thought patterns, or their view of the world at the moment. At first, I thought I stopped writing because I didn’t have anything else to say, at the time. Then, someone told me that I probably needed space and time to process. I jumped on board with both those ideas and found that they, as well as I, were totally wrong.

I stopped writing, to the day, on the second month anniversary of Joann’s passing. Where I thought I was making progress in rebuilding my life, turned out to be the beginning of my grieving.

Overnight, on the 6th of June, an intense, deep depression set in. As the ads on TV say, depression hurts. In my case, depression hurts my body, sometimes crippling. My life simply stopped. There were no dreams of future, no energy to do more than maintain the strict regimen of paying the rent. There was no concept of ‘what to do next.’
It was a delayed reaction, probably. I thought I was through Joann’s death, but I was far from it. I don’t think I was cavalier about Joann’s passing, just about my ability to handle it.

This post is to let my Constant Readers know I’m still alive and slogging on. It is also to let you know that I will post once a week, at least. In the meantime, I have several issues to catch up on, so expect more of this in a couple of days.

I thank all of you who have stayed with me.

Scot.

WriterByTheSea