Journal: 05/23/06

My first day back to work is usually a tough one, hangovers are a part of natural aging where your body pleads with you to "lighten up," but your brain doesn’t want to know about the aftereffects. This morning, however, I rolled out of bed and was not feeling like beer kicked my ass yesterday, but I was still a little alcoholic. The usual Tuesday morning beer took care of that and the rest of the day went along just fine. Obviously, I didn’t get up early enough to make the trip to Social Security in Salinas today, the result of staying up until 4:00 AM this morning. Bill wasn’t happy, he called me at 7:00 AM to rouse me, but I cancelled and went back to bed. I do plan an early night tonight.

Salinas Waits until Tomorrow

As I noted before, I didn’t get going soon enough to take the trip to Salinas and the Social Security office. Its not that the trip wasn’t important, but my days off always wear me out. Meanwhile, I have planned today in such a manner that I won’t have any problems making the trip tomorrow. I have all the papers I need to make the applications for survivor’s benefits, the death benefit and my own disability insurance.

I decided late last night to apply for disability benefits for myself because I have the necessary medical history and am in need of seeing a doctor for changes in my own condition. I haven’t seen a doctor in several years and as I grow older, existing conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis, upper-back deterioration and neural issues in my arms are becoming more of a disability. Given the current financial situation, I decided "what the hell," and if applying for disability gets me to a doctor, so much the better.

Now that I’m not distracted by Joann’s problems, I have to acknowledge that my own health isn’t doing all that well. A combination of stress and natural deterioration are taking their toll. Many of the aches and pains that disappeared when Joann died have started to present themselves again and though I don’t feel like I am under that much stress now, my body might be telling me something else. Hence, the reason for applying for my own disability. I hate the begging, but I have no other alternatives at the moment.