Journal: 05/22/06

I’m beginning to be frightened of my days off. Last Sunday was Mother’s Day and that turned into a fiasco. Today, Monday, was my day off also, and the financial carnage inflicted on me was unexpected and swift. Nevertheless, I didn’t make it a bad day, although it gave me pause for thought. After all the fretting Bill did over his car’s return and the steps that led up to it, it now appears that Bill’s car came back to him just in the nick of time. Story below.

The Financial Abyss Opens Wide

Of all the scenarios that I envisioned relating to Joann’s monthly Social Security check, I was completely unprepared for what actually happened. I knew that at some point her money would stop coming, the government would match up her death report from the mortuary with her check and that would cause them to stop sending her money through direct deposit. I figured that at the most they would send me a letter demanding I repay the money, which I would have gladly done in payments. I also thought that I might get one last check in June that would have afforded me more time to try to develop other cash sources. Naturally, none of that happened.

I took a look at my bank account this morning to see if I was still on track with my budgeting and surprise, surprise, Uncle Sam had been there before me and reclaimed May’s entire $878.00. Considering that I had only about $70.00 in the bank in the first place, that left me with a balance of about -$812.00. This doesn’t include the $550.00 I owe the bank for direct deposit advances, which should kick in around June 7, making me liable for around $1362.00 to the bank. This was quite a Monday morning shocker.

Needless to say, I immediately took the cash I was saving for a haircut and invested it in a 30-pack of Natural Ice beer. The thinking was lame, but it was an otherwise empty day that I would have spent beering it up anyway, the only difference being that I didn’t use my debit card, I used saved cash.

Oddly enough, though surprising, the bank debacle didn’t throw me into a tizzy of depression-related whining and hand wringing. If anything, I actually felt liberated, released from any blame (except for the bank itself) and now I don’t have to worry whether Joann’s check shows up or not. The future is clear: no beer, no cigarettes and a lot less food. Loads of pissed off creditors as well.

I hadn’t thought that the whole money thing was playing havoc with my brain, I simply accepted it as another in a long list of many things that I’ve had to deal with in the aftermath of Joann’s death, and thought I was taking this in stride also. I don’t know myself as well as I should though, the relief of having the money returned to the government and finally knowing exactly where I stood, was very liberating, albeit an unexpected reaction. At least I could get into my day off without the burden of worry.

As Bill notes, I will get through this. I’m not sure how, but I know I will, with Bill’s help. At least we aren’t going to starve. I’m planning to go to Salinas tomorrow and get the Social Security survivor’s benefits applied for and hopefully, that will generate some cash flow. Even Joann’s $255.00 death benefit would help out at this point. As I said, having Bill’s car back turned out to be fortuitous, I’ve been delaying going to Salinas because of the long bus trip, and the high-tension wait for the next check. Now we have the car back and the check isn’t coming anyway, so I better not dally any longer.

Once again, I navigate shark infested waters.