Journal: 04/28/06

The mortuary woman came by the front desk today and picked up the $200.00 for Joann’s cremation. At least Paul Mortuary knows that I’m not just going to leave Joann there, she’ll be coming home in a week, I hope. I’ll deal with the financial catastrophe later.

State of Grace

I was looking through one of the books Rose borrowed for Joann from the Harrison Library in Carmel, and it triggered a line of thinking/remembering about the last two months before Joann died. Joann had always told Bill and I that her disease would affect him and me more than it did her. That got me to thinking about "grace" as an aspect of dying. That is what Patricia Weenolsen’s book; "The Art of Dying" is all about, grace and dignity.

During the entire three years Joann suffered through her disease, she complained little, except for her frustration at increasingly not being able to do things or go places or perform tasks for very long before she had to sit and breathe. In her last two months, she didn’t complain at all, claiming that she had made peace with her fate and taking a breath exhausted her to the point where she was too tired to care anymore. At the same time, she did everything she could to make things easier for Bill and me. She never got depressed or angry, she simply weathered her perfect storm.

Those memories speak to me of "grace under fire," because she went on her way with complete grace. I don’t know why I’m thinking of these things now, maybe because she will be coming home soon. As her return nears, the depth of my memories grows greater and I want to get them down before old-age settles in.