Journal: 04/22/06

Seventeen days after Joann died and as I look back, I seem to be managing well. Other than the eight days immediately afterward, I feel as though things have leveled out and I’m ticking along nicely. Or, maybe I’m still coasting, it’s hard to tell. I get up every day at noon and hope to be surprised that some guest hasn’t stolen my newspaper. When I get home at night, I spend time with Bill playing cards and having dinner. The card games aren’t a nightly occurrence; we usually play every other night. With my strange hours (1:00 PM to 10:00 PM), I usually get to bed at 2:00 PM or 3:00 PM after posting my blog. My beer consumption is under control and my body doesn’t hurt the way it did the first few days after Joann’s passing. My stress levels are generally lower, or so I think.

Procrastinating

Procrastination is a big thing with me at the moment. I haven’t done any "housecleaning" for several days. Once I disposed of most of the obvious of Joann’s things, I simply stopped. The current fiction is that I’m waiting for my day off Monday to make big inroads on the remaining stuff that is hidden away (Joann used to stash her things) or simply not in my daily direct path. It may be that I’ve grown comfortable with an "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" attitude I seem to have adopted. There are still a lot of things I see daily though, leftovers from Joann’s final days such as adult diaper packs and packages of sanitary cloths in the bathroom, but they no longer register anymore. I still haven’t been under the bathroom sink, a location where Joann stored many of her personal things, and then there is the closet and its lurking stash of clothing.

I think I went as far as I could, emotionally, and simply stopped looking for Joann’s remainders. I know where several stashes are; I just don’t want to go there. I’m waiting until Monday when I have a day off, or so I keep telling myself. Only my Monday blog will tell.

Gearing Up for a Day Off

Laundry. I have to do the damn laundry. I haven’t washed any clothes since well before Joann died and I’m finally down to my last pair of undies (my usual marker for laundry necessity). This is one of three major tasks driving my goals for Monday, my longtime-in-coming day off. The other two have to do with more and deeper "housecleaning" and finding out where everything is that Joann and I moved into the apartment with on February 6.

Monday looms as a big day. It is the first day I’ve had off in awhile and represents a run of ten days straight working the front desk at the motel. Mostly, the long run was to appease the owners and show them that after more than a month off taking care of Joann and the aftermath of her death, I can get back into the swing of things work-wise. I have achieved that goal and now am safely holding on to my apartment and Bill’s room for the foreseeable future.

Nevertheless, ten working days is a long haul and I could use the downtime, as well as getting to those household chores I’ve been procrastinating about. I’ll enjoy having dinner at a reasonable time too, instead of the 11:00 PM-Midnight timeframe, when I eat while working. I believe roasted turkey legs are on the menu.